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  • If Santa Were Audited?

    Leave it to a CPA to sit around wondering what would happen if the jolly, fat man in the red suit were audited by the IRS!

    OK, the first question that crosses my mind is, how much mileage is he taking on his return in the first place, and second what on earth does his mileage log look like?!

    Can you just see it? Eight million miles, all driven on one day of the year? Are you kidding me?

    And what about receipts for gas? Can you see it when the auditor asks for gas receipts? And Ol’ St. Nick says, “Ho, ho.. I don’t really use fuel per se but I can show you what I use for reindeer food”. Really Santa?

    After a while, calmer heads prevailed, and I started thinking about this whole audit deal. Like for example, the fact that Santa is neither a citizen nor a taxpayer resident of the U.S. So, boom, right there, we know he wouldn’t be audited by the IRS.

    And for that matter, even if he has expenses (i.e., materials and labor to make all those toys – elves aren’t cheap you know!) where does he get the money to pay those costs?

    Does anybody actually pay Santa?

    And then finally, it occurred to me: Santa himself is the ultimate tax avoider!!

    Wha-huh??

    Yeppers! You see, the North Pole is where Santa lives and also where his team of not-so-cheap elves make all those toys.

    And when I did some research I discovered that, unlike the South Pole, which is at a fixed location on the continent of Antarctica, the true North Pole is out in the middle of the Arctic Ocean!

    That’s right, Santa’s home and his gigantic toy production facility occupy several sheets of ice up in the middle of the Arctic Ocean, and are not owned or claimed by anyone… except for Santa!

    The history books reveal that back in 1920, an argument took place among two explorers. One shot the other to death there at the North Pole. But the shooter could not be prosecuted because no sovereign nation claims the North Pole, and, well, there’s no North Pole Poe-Poe!

    Dang, if Santa didn’t get himself the best CPA money could buy… we just don’t know whose money!

    Merry Christmas!


    Dennis Bridges | 12/21/2015